Jun 4, 2004

NM providence really does not exist much


Dear National Messiahs,

I am sorry for some of the below complaints. However I am writing from what is inside me at this time.
In my opinion, the idea of the national messiah providence really does not exist much. I am the oldest member here by far, so I believe I have something to offer to help the provi- dence. We are receiving some help from Japan, which I think is due their trust in us. For me it is a source of some recognition and an expression of gratitude that we are here.

However the idea of the Korean, Japanese, Abel and Cain national messiahs does not exist for me. In 1997 both the Korean and Japanese national messiahs came here. However that was 7 years ago. My email contact with the Korean NM has been lost for almost a year. I am no longer able to send monthly reports to him. I have heard only one time from the Cain NM since the Chung Pyung workshop. He sent a letter with some money however the money was stolen from the envelope by the time it arrived in my P.O. box. I don't understand well what the Japanese NMs are supporting in South America.

As time goes on I no longer look at myself as working in an international mission as a national messiah out of obedience, but working as a member in a nation more out of heart, which is what I thought the national messiah mission originally was anyway.

I started working last year as an English teacher which is not enough to support our family but with our inheritance we can last out here for more years than I had planned. I had orginally planned to leave this year. As a result of working, however, I find most of my energy directed toward teaching and less toward any mission.

I am always hoping to have more determination for the providence and regain the "just-having-joined" spirit which I lost long time ago, somewhere in UTS. It was a time when negative articles on UM were in the newspapers what seemed almost daily. It seemed, just as according to the book, that I had about 3 years of clear sailing with spiritual help when I joined 1974 then somewhere 1977-8 all became difficult.

When the NM providence started, I thought all the blessed couples would register. I was surprised that was not the case. I understood the mission was to go live in another country. That idea changed at the workshop in Chung Pyung when it looked like we were suppose to be leaders in our nations.

I came here with that notion and really tried for a while to invest my time and money into church activities and members to help them to unite. As time has gone on I have found myself more separated from the members than ever.

Recently the national leader's family and another couple voluntarily moved out of the comfortable situation of the church house into their own poor homes. I am hoping their sacrifice can help shake us up a bit and get us moving.

We think our 7-year-old daughter has dyslexia. She cannot read and we cannot get any help for her here. My youngest son, 14, is always fighting malaria and is way behind in his home schooling. Yet every day here is good for the children as they unavoidably come face to face with the poverty that blights a majority of the people of this world rather than being influenced by western materialism.

Before leaving the US we were living quite nicely -- perhaps too nicely. Now when faced with the poverty (not personally) here we can know where we stand having a larger vision. When the children rent a video I can know how blessed we are as less than 50% of the people here have electricity.

The last 7 years have been good and bad. It can get worse. The kingdom is within me. It has been half buried in me for a long time.